The Creature in the Pantry

I have decided that all my posts don’t have to center around my attempts to create a deep parenting vibe; some can just give you a peek into our quirky and crazy life. With that in mind I present today’s post. 

You should know I am bit freaky in the eating department. I am vegan, which means nothing is consumed that had a mother or a face - no milk, no cheese, no yogurt, no eggs. We won’t get into all the reasons why, but suffice it to say it I was having some health issues and found a study out of Germany in which said health condition was successfully treated with a vegan diet. So I went for it, felt incredible, and can’t imagine going back. I have been vegan for almost four years.

When you have a non-traditional diet, you do lots of web research, looking for recipes and cooking hints, searching phrases such as “What is a parsnip?” and “Sources of vitamin B-12” and “Are Oreo cookies really vegan? (they are in fact vegan, totally unhealthy for you, but horrifyingly and wonderfully vegan).” This much food google-ing inevitably leads to foods and food related concepts that you have never heard of before, and because I love adventures, I am game to try some crazy stuff every now and then.

My latest food foray is this: Kombucha. Basically, it’s a fermented tea beverage that contains bacteria that is beneficial for your tummy (aka pro-biotics). You can buy Kombucha in the store for $3.00-$4.00 a bottle, but you know what else you can do? MAKE YOUR OWN! For me, this began when my dear friend Kirstin brought over a SCOBY (Symbiotic Colony of Bacteria and Yeast) which looks like this big slimy mushroom-y thing. You put it in some black tea and sugar, and it eats the sugar, and grows, and makes a baby! That’s why SCOBYs are also called “mothers."

SCOBYs are pretty gnarly, and I've kinda fallen in love with mine. I am obsessed with my mother. My mother sits in the cupboard, because she doesn't like direct sunlight. She bubbles and smells a little funky from the fermentation, but I love her.

My family is for the most part freaked out. Izzy will drink the Kombucha and says she enjoys it, and Gabriel watches the bottles diminishing in the fridge commenting on how much we are consuming. Matthew however has read far too much science fiction. He says it reminds him of the “Alien” movie series. Non-human creatures called “mother” having “babies” in our cupboard conjure up Sigourney Weaver images for him. Last night while I was sipping a glass of my delectable concoction of bacterial goodness he remarked, “If your chest bursts open in the middle of the night and an alien comes screaming out I won’t be surprised.”

Living with me can’t be easy, but at least I keep it interesting and fun!

My Cyber Peace Treaty

Our kids are plugged in, INSANELY plugged in. Matthew is a tech-geek and from the moment our children joined us he has strived to maximize and optimize technology in our lives. We each have a smart phone and tablet, there’s a computer lab in the basement, a projector/big screen/surround sound combo, an Xbox Kinect, Netflix, Hulu, and PSP’s. Did I mention the E-Readers? We are those parents. The ones you hate because your children want to come hang at our place when you won’t let them play video games. Sorry…For me to suggest we lessen technology in our home would cause a mutiny, led by my husband. I can’t have that. 

Headlines declare, “Children need less technology, more human interaction,” and popular parenting sites demonize technology as a Pied Piper leading us down the path of disconnection from one another. I am not a social psychologist, but I wonder if we are asking the right questions? Instead of analyzing how to limit technological exposure and increase social interaction in our children’s lives, what if we explored how we can leverage technology to increase social interaction in our children’s lives?

What if we used technology as a catalyst for authentic connectedness? Meaningful conversation and discussion about issues that matter could happen with rather than in spite of technology? It is this experimentation that I am focusing on in our home, because technology is here to stay. Short of some sort of zombie apocalypse (which I have not ruled out) technology is part of our lives, and my children will need to know how to navigate its waters safely.

Matthew and I both subscribe to news readers on our phones and most nights scroll through headlines covering everything from robots and science news to war and gender issues. We began texting the links to articles we thought our kids might find interesting. The other day I came across an article addressing body image, and sent it to Audrey. She has since had several conversations, not only with me but with her Dad too. We discussed how we are taught what is “beautiful” and “acceptable” as women and delighting in ourselves and embracing our beauty. Matthew mentioned the media’s objectification of women’s bodies, and how men have to question the messages they receive as well. This happened at the dinner table, and technology began it.

The possibilities are endless; it’s not just about sharing news articles. One night Audrey was struggling with some bad memories while trying to sleep. She shared that her mind was racing and asked me to come meditate with her. I have never really meditated with someone else before, so I was at a loss. However I climbed into her bed, and using my smart phone we listened to a guided calming meditation together.

Izzy and I have used a geo-caching app to look for nearby geo-caches together on walks. We raid dungeons together on World of Warcraft as a family. There are hundreds of links online, like these that make road trips more fun. Check this one out HERE!

I admit, technology can create disconnectedness, but rather than write off the cyber world as my children’s domain, I will join them there. 

Little Girl, Growing Up

I didn't know Izzy for the first ten years of her life, yet she is my youngest and part of me isn't quite ready for her to be thirteen yet, which is weird, I know. While Izzy is very much becoming a young woman, she is very much my tough tomboy as well, and I adore that. She is the child I can pose with in my mirror as we both flex our arms and compare biceps. I remember being thirteen and wanting to be young while wanting to be grown up too. It’s a tricky time, a transitional time of being pulled between two worlds. 

This tension can travel with you into your late teens. Mine ended after I had been dating Matthew for about a month. His mother called to ask him what his Easter plans were, and I was sitting next to him when she called. He told her, “I just met this amazing woman, and I think I am going to have Easter lunch with her.” I thought, “Who is he talking about? Who is this WOMAN he knows?” Then I realized he was talking about me. Until then, I had never been referred to as a woman by anyone, especially a man. “Huh, I guess I am a woman?” I thought.

After Izzy turned thirteen the other weekend, I wanted her to know that she is becoming and soon will be a woman, but she can be both a woman and a girl for a while. I wanted Izzy to know that I see her, all of who she is, even the growing up parts.

I offered to curl her hair, which is getting quite long, with the curling wand that has only been used by her big sister up to this point. We hung out in my bathroom and talked while I completed the look. We chatted about growing up and Izzy commented, “I don’t think I will want to curl my hair every day. Some days I like to go tomboy...not pretty.”  I replied, “Tomboy is pretty too.”

P.S.  Matthew is a genius. Izzy wanted a slumber party to celebrate and Matthew spent the day doing yard work in preparation. They were planning a campfire with s’mores. On a whim he set up our tents to let them “air out” when Izzy was suddenly inspired, “Hey Dad, can me and my friends sleep in the back yard tonight?” Why yes, yes you can! Therefore we were spared the giggles and shrieks at 2:00AM which occur when a gaggle of teen girls fill your home. We slept peacefully. I love that man.

The Family That Laughs Together… Laughs Together.

Once a year, my husband’s college best friend flies to Colorado from Minneapolis and they chill in the mountains for a few days together. This isn't a rustic outing full of hiking or fly-fishing, but more like a beer, movie and music festival in a cabin on a mountainside. I call it his bro-mantic getaway. He is responsible to no one but himself. Last weekend...it happened.

Matthew and I truly parent as partners, dividing the labor that is parenthood equally. So when he leaves town, his absence is plainly noticed by both me and the kids. Suddenly, I am responsible for driving everyone everywhere (this year Audrey helped me out big time) as well as still getting work done. Most noticeable however, is that we all laugh less in Matthew’s vacancy. His constant quips create much of the snickering that pervades our home, and we love to laugh. The first day or two he is gone we run off the reserves of jokes told within the moments before he left, but by day three things start feeling a little…serious and somber. I feel pressured to tell jokes and make any of our protégés smile, but realize Matthew possesses a sense of humor more suited to our children - a gift.

When Matthew returned home this time, a tangible sense of lightheartedness accompanied him...an almost audible sigh which has me thinking about laughter, and its power within families. A good chuckle together enhances our connection. We have so many inside jokes and developing these brought us together in the beginning. Our kids still titter remembering the time Matthew was pumping gas and suddenly jumped onto the roof of the mini-van and leaned over the edge of the window - peering at us all with a quizzical expression. Giggling broke out from both shock and embarrassment.

Life is too short to skip laughter. As parents, especially of kiddos who have experienced trauma, it is easy to be very serious about everything. I am reminded of the quote by the Indigo Girls, “The only thing you've ever done for me is to help me take my life less seriously. It’s only life after all.”

While teaching groups of new foster parents at Hope & Home, I ask them to remember the fun, carefree moments they experienced during adolescence. We can either join in the fun of that time with our teens, or stand outside of it critically. If you have never cruised the highway on a summer night with the windows down playing Ozzy Osbourne’s “Crazy Train” at a high volume while waving glow sticks, I highly recommend it. It's very good for the soul.